A Thousand Questions to My Regret by Blossy

***A Collection of Crazy Love Stories - 1. Ayumu Hamano & Ryo Nishikido Version***

Because I didn't trust him everything went bad to worse.
Because I didn't trust him I caused his death.
Because i didnt trust him I couldn't live with myself.
My only regret while I watched my life with him flash before my eyes was that I didn't trust him.
Categories: Japanese Entertainment, Korean Entertainment Characters: DBSK: Hero Jae Joong, NEWS: Nishikido Ryo, NEWS: Yamashita Tomohisa, Super Junior: Han Geng
Genres: Drama, Romance
Story Type: Multi-Chaptered
Warnings: Fictional Character(s)
Challenges: None
Series: Crazy Love Stories Collection
Chapters: 5 Completed: Yes Word count: 6978 Read: 7159 Published: May 30, 2010 Updated: May 30, 2010
Story Notes:
The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.

1. Prologue by Blossy

2. Chapter 1 by Blossy

3. Chapter 2 by Blossy

4. Chapter 3 by Blossy

5. Chapter 4 by Blossy

Prologue by Blossy
Author's Notes:
Credits: Thanking Christine for her AWESOME Poster and Banner! Thank you sooooo much and I HEART YOU!!!! XD

Ayumu Hamano is a fictional character, in the poster she is represented by Erika Toda.

When did things get this bad?

How did I allow it to go this bad?

I was on my knees, staring in a daze. I looked down at my bloody hands that I couldn't keep still. The knife was on the ground beside me. I didn't want to touch it as if it would burn my hands if I did. I was scared. What should I do?

I killed someone. I’m a murderer.

Is everything I worked for go to waste? Why couldn't I just leave it alone? Why couldn't I leave him alone? Why did I have to follow him there where I committed the crime?

I stared at the unmoved figure in front of me. Slumped down on the dirty ground in a dark alley was my boyfriend of two years. Why couldn't I have trusted him? None of this would have happened. It never would have gone out of hand like this.

Dear God! How could I attone such a huge sin?

“I’m sorry, Ryo-kun,” my voice came out as a whisperer. “I’m really sorry.”

Tears started to blur my vision. I held out my hand and began feeling the ground for the knife. When I felt the cold steel and picked it up and glanced up at him.

“I’m sorry,” I apologised again, my voice coming out desperately. “This is my entire fault. I love you so much that I was afraid to lose you! I should have trusted you. Please forgive me.”

With my shaky hands I raised the knife up, pointing at him. I took a deep breath and let it go haggardly. Feeling the immerse pain of guilt, regret and loss coming at me at once, I couldn't handle it.

“I’ll be coming to you now...”

I gasped when the knife hit me on my stomach. It was painful but not as painful as my emotions.

Suddenly, I was seeing flashbacks from the time I met him. This must be it, I thought. People see flashbacks before they die. I wonder if Ryo saw it as well.
Chapter 1 by Blossy

“Are you okay?” the twenty-two years old me asked. I could see my own breath while I spoke. I wasn't surprised. It was freezing outside.

The guy on the floor flushed with embarrassment. Maybe I should have pretended I never saw him slip on the ice just a second ago while I was leaving the convenient store that evening. He quickly nodded and scrambled to his feet. He kept covering his mouth to hide his embarrassment.

“I-I’m fine, thank you,” he assured me in his deep Osaka accent. He cast me a smile to show his appreciation.

My breath hitched. Looking at him closely, I realised how good-looking he was. His laughter line showed on his cheeks when he smiled. His warm chocolaty eyes were reflecting my own image on his orbs. His long black hair was slightly ruffled.

“Erm... okay then,” I managed to squeak out. I was about to walk away when I finally noticed the tear on his trousers and my eyes widened. I could see his black boxers. A blush rose on my cheeks. “Erm...” I paused. How am I meant to tell him there is a tear on his trousers? He had already been embarrassed enough.

“Yes?” his velvety voice nearly took me into a starry-daze.

I gulped audibly. Although it was cold and I was now shivering, I pulled off my scarf that was wrapped around my neck and held it out for him. “Here,” I said.

He looked at me in confusion. “It’s okay. I’m fine. You should worry about yourself. You’re shivering.”

I could handle cold but I could never handle embarrassment. I shoved the scarf onto his reluctant hands. “You definitely need it.” I nodded my head towards the tear.

He slowly looked down. I watched as his eyes widened as if it was about to pop out of the socket and how he was turning a few shades of darker. He quickly wrapped my scarf around his waist covering the tear. He refused to meet my eyes afterwards.

I bit the bottom of my lips before a smile could form. I couldn't help but think how cute he looked.

“T-thanks,” he stammered. And then without another word, he sprinted down the street despite the snow covered pavement and the fact that he might slip again. He disappeared around the corner and out of my sight.

I sighed.


We met again a few days later. The snow had cleared up but it was still cold outside that I was covered up head to toe. He was working behind a bar serving some girls drinks who were eying him up oblivious to him.

I was forced to come out that night by a few of my friends who I haven’t seen for a while as work took most of my time. I was a manager of a grand hotel. It was easy to get to the position quickly as I have done my masters in business. My friends began tugging on my coat, hat and scarf, complaining for me to take it off since I was inside. I complied before they stripped me themselves.

“Wow, who’s the hottie?” Christine asked, eyeing the bartender. “I haven’t seen him around.”

Bam crossed her legs and leaned back as she seized him up as if he was a piece of meat on display. “He must be new.”

I leaned forward and covered her eyes with my hand. “Aren’t you too young to say that?”

She swatted my hand away and peered to stare at him again. She was grinning now. “You’re too late. After seeing Jaejoong seven years ago, my eyes have already lost its virginity.”

Jess nearly choked on the drink she was sipping slowly at the mention of ‘virginity’. “When is he coming back to Tokyo?” she asked when she regained her composure. “It’s been awhile since he left for his country.”

Bam’s face fell suddenly. Tears welled on the corner of her eyes. “After following him for seven years I couldn't follow him to Korea! He wouldn't take me!”

I frowned. “Aren’t you guys dating?”

Christine jaws dropped. She looked at me as if the question was taboo. I didn't understand until Bam threw her arms around Jessie, who was beside her, and wailed.

“We’re not dating!” she cried out. “If we were do you think I’d be here moping with you guys?”

“We’re meant to be moping?” I wondered out loud.

“Jaejoong Oppa still hasn’t responded to my confession,” my friend went on.

“Well, since he hasn’t rejected you, that means you still have a chance,” I pointed out hoping to stop her crying.

It worked.

“You’re absolutely right! He must like me if he hasn’t rejected me.”

I nodded in agreement although I had no clue if he actually liked her or not. I just knew I didn't want to hear her whining and crying over some guy.

Jessie sighed. “Talking about the guy you like, reminds me of Hangeng,” she solemnly said and letting out another heavy sigh.

I have really weird friends. Bam was going after a Korean guy while Jessie was dating Hangeng, a Chinese guy. They had a long distance relationship but I got the feeling Jessie was waiting for Hangeng to ask her to move.

While the two had someone they liked, Christine and me were single ladies. We haven’t yet fallen for someone like our friends.

“Hey, Ayu, go get us another round of drinks,” Christine ordered lightly.

The three wanted the same drinks. I walked up to the bar slowly. My eyes glued on the bartender who was working diligently and ignoring the girls attempt to flirt with him. Once I got to the bar and slid onto one of the stools, he finally looked up but when he recognised me he gasped. The bottle of vodka that was on his hand slipped and fell on the floor. The sound of glass breaking was covered by the sound of the music blasting around the club.

He quickly bent down only to bang his head on the table.

“Ouch,” I winced at the thought of the pain he must be in. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah,” he said, rubbing his forehead. He managed to squat down this time without hurting himself. He slowly picked up the broken glasses. It took him a while to sweep it up. “So, what can I get you?”

A smile tugged on the corner of my lips. He was flustered with embarrassment again that I found so cute. I gave him my order and waited.

“So...” I began. In the corner of my eyes I could see the other girls glaring at me for keeping his attention longer than they could. “When am I going to get my scarf back?”

He gulped. “Ah, sorry, it’s at home.”

I pouted. “That’s the scarf my late grandmother made me. My poor grandmother wasted so much time just to make it for me.”

I noticed how he immediately felt guilty. “I’m so sorry! I didn't know and I ran off like that without taking your information on how to return it.”

Seeing him panicking sent me into a fit of laughter. He just stared at me in confusion.

“I was lying,” I admitted. “Couldn't help but pull your leg. Sorry.”

His face fell. “I’ve embarrassed myself like crazy and you’re here teasing me. That’s not fair!”

At first I thought he was angry but looking into his warm eyes, I couldn't see any anger in it. “Well, it’s because you ran off like that that I couldn't help it,” I pointed out.

I turned around on my stool to look over at my friends. They were staring back at me with an amused and surprised look. Urgh, they probably thought I was flirting with him just like the girls. I quickly took the tray with the four drinks and headed back only to hear their teases.
Chapter 2 by Blossy

The third time we met was at the convenient store. It was a week from our last meeting. I got the feeling he lived locally just like me and he moved in recently because I’ve never seen him around before since I lived here all my life.

As I neared him, it registered to me what he was looking at. Pads. I stopped before I could go any further. He finally found the one he wanted to buy and turned on his heel only to stop abruptly when he saw me.

“Oh my God!” he gasped. The packet of pads fell off his hands and onto the floor with a soft thud. “W-w-what are you doing here?”

I noted how he was stammering again. It was only when he was embarrassed. He tried to kick the packet behind him but instead he missed it and when he swung his leg back forward it kicked towards her. Another gasp escaped him.

I stared at the packet near my feet for several seconds before I looked back up at his red face. I quickly covered my mouth to stop myself from laughing out loud.

“Hmm... I was going to tease you again and say I was stalking you but I guess that would only worsen the situation,” I spoke gingerly. He refused to look at me now or talk to me. He just stood there like a statue. “So...” I tried again. “Are you going to tell me you’re actually a girl?”

This seemed to get him panicky. “No!” he yelled, a little too loud to make other shoppers turn to face them. He lowered his voice. “No.” When the attention was off him he went on. “It’s not for me but my sister. She’s forcing me to buy them for her. I swear I’m hundred percent male. I can show...” he stopped short before he could say ‘you’.

I couldn't stop myself this time and burst out laughing. I know it was rude to laugh at his face but I just couldn't help it. I didn't care that he was glaring at me or the fact that everyone in the store was looking at me as if I was a crazy woman. Once I finished and calmed down, he picked up the packet and left me hurriedly.

I realised my mistake.


Our fourth encounter was not a coincidence. I waited for him outside the convenient store for hours knowing well he would turn up eventually. I didn't care that my face was frozen up by the gusty wind. When he finally showed up he stared at me a feet away from me.

“So, are you stalking me now?” he asked warily.

I giggled but stopped abruptly seeing him glare at me. “Sorry. I came to apologise. I shouldn’t have laughed like that. You were already embarrassed enough and I just laughed like that.”

He eyed me suspiciously. “You don't need to keep mentioning it. I’m still wondering if I should be near you since all the embarrassing stuff happens around you.”

I raised a brow. “It’s my fault?”

“N-no, but I just make an ass out of myself around you.”

A smile tugged on the corner of my mouth. “Don’t worry. I still think you’re cute.” Realising what I had just blurted out it was too late to retract them because he jerked his head back in surprise.

“You know...” he finally broke the awkward silence. “A guy doesn't like to be referred as cute.”

I nodded. “Sorry, that was meant to be kept a secret.”

I saw his smile the second time and just like the first time, my breath hitched and my heart began beating faster. Ah, he didn't look cute anymore. He looked drop-dead-gorgeous. Now I’m definitely not blurting that out.

“Urm... so... you want to go get something hot to eat?” I suggested. Then I added, “On me.”

He hesitated then obliged to my offer. There was a small restaurant close by that we went to. At first we sat in silence until I started blabbing about my life. He was so nice that he never interrupted nor did he look like he was bored.

He then shared his own story. His name I finally found out was Ryo Nishikido, aged 25. He used to live in Osaka until his sister decided to move to Tokyo. His parents wouldn't allow her to move alone so he was forced to come as well. He also managed to drag his best friend with him. I was surprised that he not only works as a bartender but three other jobs. He works as a waiter in a restaurant few days a week, deliver for a takeaway at some nights when his not working as a bartender and he even worked in a housing agency as a sales person.

We were in the restaurant for more than two hours until he had to leave for his work. I was disappointed at first but he invited me for movies the next time he was free.


He didn't call me until a week later just when I thought he had changed his mind and was going to give up waiting. He said that his best friend was bugging him to hang out with him since he hadn't spent time with him for a long time. He felt guilty after all he was the one who brought him along.

I was a little upset that I would have to wait longer just to see him again. A thought occurred in my head.

“How about I bring my friends and you bring yours and we’ll meet at the club you work?” I suggested. Hopefully I didn't sound too desperate.

He liked the idea. “Sure. I’ll tell Pi. He’ll be ecstatic to see some girls.”

I giggled over the phone as he told me the time to meet. As soon as I hung up, I was on the phone with my friends who were happy to hang around with Ryo or as they call him ‘Hottie’.


I dressed up more carefully than the last time where I didn't care about my appearance. Bam, Christine and Jessie came one at a time meeting over at mines first and then we’d go to the club. I had to lie to Bam though. She had refused to come because Jaejoong had come back today and she wanted to see him. I had said that I invited him to the club which I had to quickly look up his number and text him. If he didn't come I’d just say he was busy.

Even Jess, who usually comes anywhere any of us ask her to, also had declined because Hangeng had come down for few days and she wanted to spend all her time with him. Whenever it came to Hengeng, Jess was always selfish to keep him to herself. It wasn't like I would take him from her. None of us would. I managed to coax her into bringing him along.

But I guess this is how you are when you’re in love. I just hope I don't turn up like that. Being crazy over a guy.

Christine was my favourite. Like me, she wasn't boy crazy.

Later I found out I was wrong. Once we all met up with Ryo and his friends, she went gaga over the friend. Yamashita Tomohisa, prefers to be called Yamapi or Pi, seemed to be smitten by her also. The two seemed to have hit it off.

Ryo and I looked at each other in puzzlement on how they could like each other so suddenly. Bam was sulking because Jaejoong hasn’t turned up yet that she was drowning her sorrows with alcohol. Jess was having a staring competition with Hangeng, well that’s what I think they were doing.

So, just Ryo and I were stuck talking to each other. Not that I minded. It suited me fine.

“Do you want to dance?” he asked nervously.

“Only if you don't step on my toes,” I cheekily quipped.

He flushed with embarrassment and was about to take it back but I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the dance floor. It was there that I realised what a great dancer he was. I felt competitive and was giving my best at whatever moves I knew.

By the time we returned to the table, Chri and Pi were missing. After searching for them around the dark room I found them making out at the back of the club. I quickly looked away feeling a blush rising on my cheeks. Chri was never the rash type but it seemed like love really could change people.

Bam was now fully drunk and complaining to Jess and Hangeng about their relationship. I sighed because when Bam saw us, she had found new targets to vent her frustration at. But her venting went out of hand when she was up on the table and trying to thrash both Ryo and Jess’s boyfriend. The two of us tried to get her down but for a drunk she was stronger than us.

We were rescued when Jaejoong finally made his appearance. Bam didn't acknowledge his presence as she was too busy flogging at the guys. He raised a brow at me as if to say ‘how did I allow this to happen’. I glared at him making sure he understood it was his fault. Letting out an exasperating breath, he grabbed her and plied her off the table. He then guided her out of the club promising us that he’d take her home.

Jessie and her boyfriend also got to their feet and decided to head back home. We weren't able to have fun together but the girls wanted to be with the guy they liked and I couldn't stop them.

“It’s just the two of us now,” he said once the two left.

“We still have Chris and Pi,” I pointed out.

He snorted. “If those to even come back to this world.”

I chuckled and he joined in. Although it was just the two of us, we enjoyed each other’s company. We even kept going back and forth to the dance floor every time a song we liked played.
Chapter 3 by Blossy

The next couple of weeks we linked up quite often. Ryo shocked me one day by confessing that he liked me. I was overwhelmed since I also liked him. We became official boyfriend and girlfriend.

Our life together started. We were always lovey-dovey. Even though, he had so many jobs and couldn't always see me, he’d make time just for me whenever he was free. Pi didn't mind that he didn't see him much since he was dating Christine now. As I said Ryo and I were lovey-dovey. We weren’t bad like those two! Those two were always kissing, at each other lap and inseparable that it made others around them gag.

Everything had seemed fine the first year of our dating. But once he moved in with me, things started to go difficult. He kept sneaking out once a week. The money he earns is always gone when he comes back. And when I confront him, he always denies it.

The whole sneaking around got me feeling insecure. When another year went by, I began feeling suffocating in our relationship where I couldn't trust him. He tried to show me how much he loved me and how he was still the same but I can never shake the insecurity from inside me.

One day I was out with Christine and Yamapi who invited me out with them because she was starting to worry about me. I wouldn't blame her. I have stopped eating regularly becoming thinner than before. I have bags under my eyes and my skin has gone so pale. I have tried to cover it all by wearing make-up, baggy clothes but as my best friend she was able to see through me.

By the way, Jess and Bam are not in Japan any longer. They had moved a year ago to China and Korea. Jaejoong had confessed that he liked her persistent to be able to stay with him for seven years even when he had been always cold towards her. He had taken her to Korea with him. Well, with Jess, Hengeng finally asked her to move to China and be with him as he had been missing her too much. He even surprised us all by proposing to her when she got there. Their wedding date still hasn’t been confirmed yet though.

“Ayu, why won’t you tell me what’s going on between Ryo-kun and you,” Christine said with concern. “I’m your best friend, aren’t I?”

We were in the cafe where it was quiet and deserted. My friend and her boyfriend were sitting opposite me at the table. I ran my finger around the tea cup focusing my attention on it more than them.

“There’s nothing wrong with us,” I insisted like usual.

“Don't lie!” Pi yelled in frustration. Pi had become like a brother to me ever since he started dating my friend. He was overprotective of me sometimes and I liked the idea of an older brother since I was an only child. “Ryo even says the same thing every time I ask him.”

“You’re not fooling anyone, Ayu,” Chris went on. “Our years of friendship aren’t just there for show. Tell me or I’ll end it.”

My eyes flew up to meet hers. I saw how serious she was and knew that I couldn't keep it from them any longer. Tears started welling up at the corner of my eyes and I began sobbing quietly. Chris was by my side suddenly and comforting me while Pi leaned forward and dabbed a napkin on my eyes, wiping away my tears.

“I think Ryo-kun is cheating on me!” I blurted out. “Ever since he moved in with me, I kept getting suspicious over him disappearing every Wednesday with the money he would earn. He wouldn't tell me where he goes. What should I do?”

Pi let out an exasperating breath. “I know Ryo, he wouldn't cheat on you. He loves you.”

“But why wouldn't he just tell me the truth!” I cried out.

My brother figure friend looked down in shame as he was unable to find an excuse for his best friend.

“I’m sure there is a rational explanation!” Chris protested desperately. “And why won’t that idiot just tell you!”

Pi grabbed the flailing hands of his girlfriend's and squeezed it calming her down. She was getting emotional over her friend’s problem just like always.

Taking deep breaths in and out, Chris looked at me with her serious look. “Did you follow him to see where he went?”

I shook my head. The thought never occurred to me before. “No.”

“Then next week on Wednesday, we’ll follow him,” she announced.

“We will?” Pi was startled at the suggestion.

“Yeah,” she went on. “If he won’t tell you, then we’ll just find out on our own.”

The idea seemed more appealing than crying all day without a clue for what reason. And I was a little comforted at the thought of having my best friend and my brother figure with me. That way if it was anything worse, I’d have them looking out for me.

“Thanks,” I managed to squeak out.


When Wednesday finally came and Ryo was getting ready to go, I was panicking because Christine and Pi hadn't turned up yet. Luckily Ryo didn't catch on with our plan. He kissed me on the cheek as he went out the door. I waited for a few seconds before I ran to the bedroom where my cell phone lay on the bed. I jumped on it and quickly dialled Christine’s phone.

“Where are you?” I shouted over the mouth piece.

“Sorry, we’re stuck in traffic!” she shouted back over Pi’s music.

“He’s already left,” I told her.

“Should we leave it until next week then?” Pi asked. I presumed that Chris had put me on loud speaker.

“But I don't want to wait that long,” Chris said out loud what I was thinking.

I took in a deep breath and let it go. “I’ll follow him,” I said in confident. “I’ll keep my phone with me. Use it as GPS to track me.”

There was a few seconds of silence. “Okay,” my friend finally agreed.

Hanging up , I climbed off the bed and rushed out the apartment building. I ran down to the ground floor using the stairs. I knew that he would still be taking out his car from the garage. I hailed for a cab and waited until his car rolled onto the street then asked the cab to follow him. All the while my heart beat was drumming inside in a fast speed.

I was nervous. I was scared.

I was on the cab for at least a good twenty minutes until it stopped. I looked through the wind shield and saw Ryo’s car parking at a deserted street. He didn't seem to be aware of me following and I think it never crossed his mind that he would be followed behind. He got out and headed straight into an alley.

“Miss, are you planning to get off?” the driver questioned with concern.

“Yeah,” I replied. Then she muttered to herself than at the cab driver, “I just want the lies to end today.”

The cab driver was a little hesitant to leave even when I had paid. He then made me promise to be careful then left reluctantly when I told him my friends will be joining me soon.

I jogged across the street and to the alley where Ryo had disappeared through. I didn't care that the place looked dangerous. I wanted to know the truth after coming this far.

I found him at the end of the alley. He wasn't alone. To my utmost shock, he wasn't with a girl but a guy. At first I thought he was actually having an affair with a guy but when I managed to get a glimpse at the guy from my hiding place behind a dumpster. The guy didn't look pleasant. In fact, with the scar on his face, the bleached hair and that awfully mean eyes, I got the feeling he was a thug.

What was Ryo doing with a guy like him?

I watched as Ryo took out a brown envelope from his pocket and handed it over to the thug looking guy. I guessed his money was inside that envelope.

“Thanks,” the man sneered. He opened up the envelope and peered inside. “With this lot, you now have four more years to clear your dept.”

A gasp escaped from my mouth. He was a loan shark. Ryo was working so much because he was trying to pay off his dept. I suddenly felt the guilt weighing me down. I had been worrying about the wrong reason.

The ringtone to my phone snapped me out of my thoughts and got me panicking. I desperately searched for my phone that had to fall at the bottom of my bag today of all days. As I shut it off, I had no idea that I have startled Ryo and the other guy because the guy had now taken out a knife and was aiming at Ryo. Ryo had his hands up in defence, his eyes not leaving the knife.

“You got someone with you!” I heard the guy accuse.

“No, I didn't!” my boyfriend denied.

“Don’t lie to me!” the guy yelled. “Whoever you are, if you don't want this guy to get hurt, you better show yourself!”

I stilled. What should I do? I looked at my phone and sent it a murderous glare. Slowly and cautiously, I got to my feet and stepped out in the open.

I heard the gasp escape my boyfriend’s mouth and saw how his eyes widened then he looked at me questioningly. I averted my eyes away in shame.

“Who the hell are you?” the guy demanded angrily.

“That’s my girlfriend,” he replied. “She was just worried where I go.”

“Come here!” the thug ordered me. I gulped audibly. At first I didn't move until he kept poking his knife towards Ryo. I quickly went to Ryo’s side.

“I’m sorry,” I squeaked out. “Please don't hurt him.”

“Shut up!”

“Don't make him anymore angry,” Ryo whispered into my ear as he wrapped an arm around my waist.

I still refused to meet his eyes. Instead I focused my attention on the guy who held the knife. Things went from bad to worse when my phone rang again alarming the guy. Everything went at slow motion. As I tried to stop it from ringing again knowing well it was Christine who was getting worried because I didn't answer the phone before. I had no idea that the guy had launched forward with the knife pointing at me until Ryo came in the way. My eyes widened as I watched the knife pierce into Ryo’s chest causing him to cry out in pain. The guy holding the knife realised his mistake and let go.

When the guy ran off, everything seemed to go back into normal pace. Ryo backed away onto the wall. He was staring at me with pain showing in his eyes. I tried to cry out for help but no words came out. I looked at the knife that was hurting him. I raised my hand and grabbed it. Without realising the consequence, I took the knife out. It was too late. his blood was oozing out now. I dropped the knife and tried to hold his wound hoping to stop the bleeding.

“No,” I whispered, my voice returning to me. “No!” I screamed.

My attempt to stop the bleeding was futile. I heard his breath getting haggard. He was having a hard time breathing. He was trying his best not to scream in pain. I held it tighter but it wasn't stopping. Suddenly he dropped to the floor with a thud. His head hung low.

I stared down at him. He couldn't have. He couldn't have died like that!

My knees buckled and I fell on the floor. He was dead because of me. I killed him...


It seemed that was all the flashback. Soon I felt all my energy draining. And as I took my last breath, I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my head in the arc of his neck taking in a swift of his scent before I passed out.

Even in the darkness I was able to hear a faint noise of footsteps and then a scream. It sounded like it was so far away. I couldn't open my eyes. I was in darkness. I could only see black. But I could hear the concern voices.

“Oh my God! Ayu! Ayu! What have you done...?”

“I’m calling an ambulance!”

I finally lost all conscious.
Chapter 4 by Blossy

I opened my eyes. I blinked several times until my eyes focused on the white ceiling. White. I automatically thought of heaven. Was I alreadt there?

I sat up suddenly only to have pain jolt up to my head. I quickly grabbed my head to stop the pain.

If I was dead why was I feeling pain?

“Ayu,” I was startled to hear his voice from beside me.

“Ryo,” I called out. “I was going to look for you.”

I finally looked up to see him.


“Huh?” I was confused. We weren't in heaven. I took in the surrounding and the sound of beeping of a machine. I realised I was in the hospital. “We’re alive?”

“Stupid girl!”

I winced at his angry tone. He was in the hospital bed next to mines wearing the same gown as me and tied to the machine as well. At his loud voice, I saw movement at the corner of my eyes. I turned to find Christine, Bam andJessie sitting on the sofa where they had been sleeping. Their boyfriends were sitting on the floor and had also been sleeping. They all jumped to their feet when they saw me.

“Ayu!” the girls cried out. Tears formed on their eyes as they flung themselves on me. I was still confused and shocked.

I was alive! It just wouldn't sink in. But then another thing occurred. I pushed the girls away and turned my attention back on my two years boyfriend.

“You’re alive!” I exclaimed.

“Duh!” he sarcastically quipped. He was still angry at me. I could only guess why. I tried to kill myself.

“How could you be silly?” Bam shouted. “Of all the stupid things you could do, you decided to kill yourself!”

“This isn't Romeo and Juliet!” Jess the one who rarely gets angry was also yelling at me.

I must have been really dumb to get her angry. I saw how Pi was hesitant to come to me. I motioned him over which he quickly did and gave me a bear hug.

“You scared us all,” he whispered into my ears. “If we didn't get to you guys in time, you really would have been dead.”

“Don't say the word!” Chris told her boyfriend off. She was trying hard to keep calm. “If I lost you, I really don’t know what I would have done.”

I found myself tearing up. I haven’t thought about my friends who would miss me. I had only thought of Ryo. At the thought of him, I heard his bed creak and before I turned to look at what he was up to, I felt my mattress go down and then felt his arm around my waist causing Pi to let me go.

“Because you did something stupid like this, I can’t leave you now.”

I jerked my head back and stared at him with bewildered eyes. “You were going to leave me?”

“You think I would have stayed with someone who didn't trust me?” he retorted.

I bit my bottom lips as the guilt returned. “I’m sorry.”

His grip on me tightened. “I can’t believe you would do something like that for me.”

I buried my face on his chest. “I-I... it was my fault... because of me...”

“It’s not your fault,” his voice was soft and comforting now. “It was my fault.”

“Damn right it is!” my three friends said in unison.

Ryo cringed. “I should have been honest with you from the beginning but I was embarrassed for getting into a huge dept that I couldn't tell you.”

“I can’t believe you never told me either,” Pi let out an exasperating breath. “If I knew I would have helped you.”

“Me too,” I said as I pulled back. “I wouldn't have cared whatever dept you were in as long as I knew I wouldn't lose you.”

“Why were you in dept in the first place?” Jaejoong finally spoke asking the question everyone had in their mind including me.

He took his time replying. “It was when I was 18 when I took out the loan...”

“Oh my God!” Pi gasped. Everyone’s attention was on him. “The operation I had that time. You paid for it.” Although it was meant to be a question the last sentence came out as a statement.

“I paid the loan sharks back but I didn't think they would scam me into paying for high interest. It was twice as much as I had took from them.”

“You should have told me!” Pi shrieked. “I...” he paused as if something occurred in his head. “All this... it’s my entire fault. All because of my stupid operation!”

“Don't talk crazy!” Ryo told his friend off. “If we could turn back time, I’ll still do the same thing even if I knew the scam. You’re my best friend as well as a brother to me! I didn't want to lose you.”

Yamapi didn't have any family. Ryo’s family had taken him in when he was seven years old and his parents passed away. He didn't have any other relatives. Ryo and his family was all he had. And Ryo treated him like a blood brother which Pi liked about him. So, when he was in an accident because of a drunk driver, his hospital fee was high that Ryo’s parents couldn't afford. But somehow miraculously someone paid for it anonymously.

“We’re alive now!” I shouted, starling everyone. “It’s in the past. So let’s not blame anyone.” Everyone agreed while Pi was wary. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “If you weren't here, you would never have met my amazing friend Chris.”

This brought a smile on his face. He looked at his girlfriend who wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. “Yeah, you wouldn't have met an amazing person like me,” she said cheekily.

It seemed everyone had got over her near death experience. For some reason they didn't care about Ryo. Well, they never showed it....

“Wait... how long was asleep for?”

“A week,” Jess said.

I gasped. “What about Ryo-kun?”

“He woke up the next day,” Bam answered for him.

No wonder they weren't concerned for him. They probably already drilled him with questions.

“You were in more serious condition than him,” Chris explained. “None of us had the same blood type as you until Hengeng came and gave you his blood. Because the doctor gave you a late blood transfusion, your condition worsened.”

I looked at Hengeng with a different light. It’s not like I didn't like him before. It was just that I found it uncomfortable around him because I never knew what to talk to him about.

“Thanks,” I grinned at him.

Then everyone started talking at once. We ignored the nurses and doctors that came in shortly after to check on me. Soon the visitors left knowing that I’m alright and promised to return tomorrow after they had a good rest which they weren't able to have because of me. I felt sorry for Hengeng and Jaejoong who hardly know me, had to go through the same thing.

I glanced up at Ryo, who was still on my bed and refused to budge fell asleep. He was lying down with me resting on his shoulder, the side he was unharmed. I later found out that he was stabbed under his heart missing the vital area. He had been told he was lucky.

“I love you, Ryo,” I said quietly.

He shifted on his position snuggling more closely to me. “I love you too,” he responded under his breath. At first I thought he was awake but when I saw the rise and the fall on his chest and heard his steady breathing, I knew he was still asleep. I smile tugged on the corner of my mouth.

I vowed to never doubt our relationship again. I didn't want to lose him and I didn't want to go through the whole thing again or let my friends go through that as well.

I loved him and that was all that mattered.
End Notes:
Now it's definitely finished. lol. Hope you enjoyed the story and thank you for reading ^.^

Look out for Christine's version, starring with Tomihisa Yamashita. Coming soon...
This story is published on Asian Fan Fiction at http://www.asianfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?sid=420